Saturday, August 14, 2010

Great News

Today I was getting my paints out to do some painting. before I could get started I saw a couple pulling up when I glanced out the window. I started to sing my favorite song, "Glory of Love" and to make a long story short, I was adopted today.

The Evan's family seem very nice, especially my new daddy Charles Evans. I hope that I get lucky this time. He is handsome and I want him inside me. Time will tell. I first have to separate him from his wife Janet. My broken arm is healing, but in time I will no longer have to wear this cast. As you may know I broke it and blamed it on Kate Coleman before I wind up back in what you American's call a foster care.

Well it's dinner time and I have to go downstairs to eat dinner with my new family.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Good news

I am in my room about to paint a picture. The Sisters made an announcement of the so-called horrible sad news. That boy died late last night, he didn't make it. Everyone else is mourning for him. To me I feel a sense of freedom. It is as though a great burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. I'm so glad that he will not be coming back. Now I can move on with my life. Hmm, what should I paint a picture of today? Let me think.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Feeling much better

I'm feeling much better today. Yesterday when we were outside playing I made sure that boy had an accident. He wouldn't leave me alone so I taunted him so that he came after me by climbing a tree. When he got close to me, I kicked him where he fell and landed on a jagged stick that I already set up.
Unfortunately he didn't die. Right now he is in the hospital, but there is a chance that he might not make it. The stick impaled the side of his stomach. The Sisters told us that he is blessed to be alive, and that we need to pray for him. I'm not praying for him. At least for now, he will not be fucking with me anymore. Now I have to get ready for Sunday's church service. I like bible study.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Ready to stab someone.

I woke up this morning feeling discouraged and depressed. I am feeling like a failure. I sit here wondering if I'm always going to be alone. When am I going to find the love of my life. I'm hoping to get adopted soon, but right now I'm not feeling much hope. Meanwhile this boy here has been getting under my skin. I would like to stab him with these scissors. I will get him. I just have to make it look like a accident. Why don't he just leave me alone? I hate this fucker, I wish he was dead, or just leave me the fuck alone.
Well bible study is about to start, so I have to be going now.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Bored out of my mind

Today while I sit here in the orphanage feeling mildly down and also bored. I usually paint pictures to keep busy. I’m not in the mood to play with the others. I’m just tired of being here. It could be worse; I could be locked away at that horrible psychiatric ward. I sit here in my room thinking. It is just one of those days when you just don’t feel like doing anything or being bothered with anyone. Today is one of those days.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Where is my Humbert Humbert?

Hi my name is Esther and I am a 9 year old orphan girl from Russia. The truth about I’ll share later.
My favorite movie is the tragicomedy Lolita. I love that movie so much. I like the 1962 version better than the 1997 remake version and the book even better. The author Vladimir Nabokov who wrote the book Lolita was also from Russia. She was 12 years old in the book; unlike in the movie she was 14 in the 1962 version and 13 in the 1997. You will understand soon enough why I like this movie.
My favorite song is Jimmy Durante’s Glory of Love. Here at the orphanage I sing this song in the bathroom to let the sisters know that I am ok. I also sing this song when I see a married couple approaching the orphanage as a way to get their attention so that I can get adopted.
Most do not understand me. What I want out of life is not what other little girls want. I do not care for dolls even though they are nice. I don’t care to play with other 9 year olds. I am different. Just let me tell you how different I really am.
What I want out of life is a family like anyone else. I sit back at times fantasying about having that perfect family while being with the love of my life. I see myself getting adopted by a couple who will accept me. It’s ok if they already have children even though I prefer if they do not. Once I get adopted and welcomed in the family, I hope that my stepdaddy is very much like Professor Humbert Humbert in the story of Lolita. I want to be my stepdaddy’s Lolita. Let me explain. In the story Lolita, Humbert had a secret love for 12 year old Dolores “Lolita” Haze so he married her mother Charlotte just be close to her daughter. When Lolita’s mother found out she was so upset that she ran out in the street and got hit by a car while Lolita was in summer camp.
Well my plan is a little different. I plan to manipulate situations until mommy and daddy are at odds at each other. Maybe even having mommy put away, or maybe she’ll die like Charlotte Haze did in the movie. Lolita was a flirtatious little teen. When daddy is in a vulnerable state I plan to seduce him, and if he is like Humbert Humbert then he will want me.
The truth is that I’m not a 9 year old girl, my name is Leena Klammer from Estonia and I have Hypopituitarism which makes me look 9. I am actually 33 years old and I never been with a man before, except my birth father and the johns that i was paid to have sex with. I want a man inside me badly, its been so long ago. If this man is the one, then I may tell him who I really am. My dream is that once mommy is gone then me and my man can pretend that we are father and daughter to fool the world, but behind closed doors he is my lover. This is what I want, a man like any other woman. I want him inside me while I ride him like a pony. I want to cuddle up with him at night, and if he has other children, then I’ll be their new mommy. I think I can pull it off when I get adopted again.
So far I haven’t had much luck. I was adopted a few times already and each time I was rejected by my current daddy. I went through all this trouble to get rid of the mommies I had. All I want is to be happy and they all denied me. Why can’t I find this Humbert Humbert? I feel like hurting everyone. So when I’m rejected out of anger I kill the whole family starting with daddy, then after I get all my rage out, I then burn the house to cover my tracts, just to wind up back at a orphanage. I hope this time it will be different.